based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
