So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
