You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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