My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
