Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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