You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize