talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
