i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she told me i tasted like america
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
