At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
