not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
