Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
