Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
