there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize