I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
