My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This is my gift to your gina
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize