Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Randomize
