Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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