I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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