You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
