well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
