So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
