If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It's rum buckets o'clock
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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