I looked at my own cervix.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
