Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
