planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
