woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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