people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
