If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
