The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
