I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
