you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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