grandma shit on top of the toilet
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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