just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
