I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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