I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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