question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
