So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
