My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
