I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
