I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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