at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
