Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
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