Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
