my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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