apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
