I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
