Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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