I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
