Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
