Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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