Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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