He kissed a someone with a penis
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
