she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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