some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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