You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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