I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
