WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
