Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
