your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize