The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
