Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Duck Duck Cougar?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you will always have a special place in my vag
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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