What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
kristin has been a bad kristin
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
