1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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