Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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