Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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