Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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