everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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