So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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