we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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