i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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