See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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