get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
