Tell her she can't have a vagina
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
