Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
