you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Acid is not a monday night drug
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize